IFame and Pain
by FairytaleBeliever123
Summary: Sam hasn't seen Freddie or Carly for 5 years, why hasn't she and who is hurting her. I Don't own icarly, unfortunately.
1. Chapter 1

Sam Puckett walked out of the recording studio; she was now forced to spend 99% of her time in. It had been 5 years since she'd seen or talked to Carly. 5 years since she'd done iCarly. 5 long years since she'd seen Freddie.

She had left Seattle when she was sixteen and hadn't been back since but it wasn't like they could erase her memories...

"_Girls who are rude to me don't get a bag of bacon," Freddie teased._

"_Wow Freddie I never realised what a hot, handsome hunk of boy, you really are."_

What Freddie had failed to notice was she didn't have to lie for that bacon, in fact the bacon wasn't as good as getting to admit her feelings but that was before the incident.

5 years ago, iCarly had had its 100th show and to celebrate they had chosen to redo their first show but this time includes their own talents, two things came of that night; Sam's feelings for Freddie and the incident.

The first talent cancelled so to fill their time slot the iCarly gang had decided to play a quick game of Dares with the viewers.

"_Freddie read your dare." Carly said._

"_Ok. Freddie, this is GirlfromVenus123, I dare you to kiss Sam!" Freddie read his eyes widening, he was terrified._

"_Aw, why must you punish me?" Sam exclaimed._

_Freddie silently switched to the camera set up on the tripod and step out to stand next to Sam before leaning his head down to hers and giving her a quick peck on the lips and stepping back afraid of get beaten up._

_Carly laughed at her two friends, "Ok, Sam time for your dare. Give it to her Freddie."_

_Freddie handed it to her and she groaned before reading," This is from __schnauzerlover__, Sam I dare you to kiss Freddie but not he kissed you, a proper make-out kiss." Freddie gulped, Sam sighed and Carly's jaw drooped._

"_K, come here Fredork!" He took a wary step towards her. She sighed again before reaching out and grabbing his shirt collar and smashing her lips to his. When he finally recovered from the shock and began kissing back and licked his lip asking for entrance. They were going to do this dare right, Sam Puckett never loses a dare! He opened his mouth obediently and they began to make-out. Sam was surprised to notice how good a kisser he was and as she was running her hands up his chest to his neck, she noted that he must have been working out because hidden under those dorky clothes he had a six-pack. When he moved his hands to her waist, she realised she didn't want this to end. That's the moment Sam Puckett; the torturer fell in love with her victim._

_They made-out for about a minute and a half before they broke apart to see their best friend staring at them. _

"_Anyway time for Carly's dare." Freddie stated as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened._

21-year old Sam smiled at the memory and frowned as another came to mind, the one that caused the incident.

_It was later that night and it was time for Sam's talent. She stood on the stage her pink guitar and she began to sing a cover of Pink's Song 'Dear Mr President'._

"_**Dear Mr. President, **__**  
**__**Come take a walk with me.**__**  
**__**Let's pretend we're just two people and**__**  
**__**you're not better than me.**__**  
**__**I'd like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly.**__****_

_**What do you feel when you see all the homeless on the street?**__**  
**__**Who do you pray for at night before you go to sleep?**__**  
**__**What do you feel when you look in the mirror?**__**  
**__**Are you proud?**__****_

_**How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?**__**  
**__**How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?**__**  
**__**How do you walk with your head held high?**__**  
**__**Can you even look me in the eye**__**  
**__**and tell me why?**__****_

_**Dear Mr. President, **__**  
**__**Were you a lonely boy?**__**  
**__**Are you a lonely boy?**__**  
**__**Are you a lonely boy?**__**  
**__**How can you say**__**  
**__**No child is left behind?**__**  
**__**We're not dumb and we're not blind.**__**  
**__**They're all sitting in your cells**__**  
**__**while you pave the road to hell.**__****_

_**What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away?**__**  
**__**And what kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay?**__**  
**__**I can only imagine what the first lady has to say**__**  
**__**you've come a long way from whiskey and cocaine.**__****_

_**How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?**__**  
**__**How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?**__**  
**__**How do you walk with your head held high?**__**  
**__**Can you even look me in the eye?**__****_

_**Let me tell you 'bout hard work**__**  
**__**Minimum wage with a baby on the way**__**  
**__**Let me tell you 'bout hard work**__**  
**__**Rebuilding your house after the bombs took them away**__**  
**__**Let me tell you 'bout hard work**__**  
**__**Building a bed out of a cardboard box**__**  
**__**Let me tell you 'bout hard work**__**  
**__**Hard work**__**  
**__**Hard work**__**  
**__**You don't know nothing 'bout hard work**__**  
**__**Hard work**__**  
**__**Hard work**__**  
**__**Oh**__****_

_**How do you sleep at night?**__**  
**__**How do you walk with your head held high?**__**  
**__**Dear Mr. President, **__**  
**__**You'd never take a walk with me.**__**  
**__**Would you?"**_

_When she finished Carly and Freddie were gaping at her. She was amazing._

Sam loved that moment surprising__them showing them she was worth something. Only problem was it showed someone else she was worth something too.


	2. Five years ago

**Jonah is not the same person he is in the show.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly.**

A car sped round the corner towards her and abruptly halted to a stop. The driver's door was flung open with amazing strength and an angry Jonah got out. Jonah was the son of her manager, he was the reason she was in this mess. He'd been an iCarly fan, well more like stalker back when they were both fifteen. Somehow after he'd seen that fateful webshow he had persuaded his father to offer her a record deal and it had all gone downhill from there.

_A fifteen year old Sam bounded excitedly into Carly's apartment. Carly was watching Girly Cow and Freddie was sitting at the computer. On hearing her enter he turned round and seeing him almost made her reconsider what would be her biggest mistake but remembering he didn't love her, she shook the hesitation off. _

"_I am going to be famous! Someone offered me a record deal because I sang on iCarly! I'm moving to L.A!" she exclaimed. Carly immediately jumped up and they started happy jumping. Then she realised Freddie hadn't said anything and glanced at him, he was staring dazed at the place where the two girls had been jumping._

"_Freddie?"_

_He jumped, suddenly broken out of his daze. "That's great Sam. I gotta go." He said in monotone before dashing out of the room._

_That was the last she saw of him, last she heard of him._

_About a week after she left she was having an instant messaging conversation it was to be the last, before everything got scary, when she lost control and had to ask about Freddie. _

_**GirlyCowlover: So how are you, Sam?**_

_**Gonnabefamous: Ok, it's different here. So.....................**_

_**GirlyCowlover: So what?**_

_**Gonnabefamous: How's everyone?**_

_**GirlyCowlover: You mean how's Freddie?**_

_**Gonnabefamous: What! NO!**_

_**GirlyCowlover: I know you like him. I think he likes you too.**_

_**Gonnabefamous: Really, why?**_

_**GirlyCowlover: Cause ever since you left he hasn't spoken to anyone, he won't even talk to his mom and he hasn't touched a computer.**_

_**Gonnabefamous: Carly, Maybe he has just gone insane?**_

_**GirlyCowlover: Seriously Sam, are you so naive that you won't even admit he loves you? I always knew you were immature! Sam I think he might be suicidal and you're talking like that! I didn't tell because I didn't want to upset you when you're having the time of your life but you could at least be serious!!!!!!!!!!!!! **___

_**GirlyCowlover has signed off**_

_**Depressedlover: What, no! Carly come back! He can't kill himself, I love him! Carly, I'm coming home, don't give up! Carly, come back! Sam, what have you done? Carly...................................... **_

_And then the heart-wrenching automatic sentence:_

_**Your message could not be delivered. GirlyCowlover is not signed in.**_

Jonah stepped towards her.

"Sam, come on! We're going!" Then it hit her, she had to find out what had happened.

"No! I'm going home!"

He advanced on her. Grabbed her wrist with one hand, digging his nails in.

"Babe, get in the car."

"I'm not your babe."

And that's when he punched her, hard in the face, before bundling her aggressively in to the back seat of the car, getting in the front seat and locking the doors and speeding away. Sam would not give up though she must go home.


	3. The Song That Will Change Everything

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly or So Close :(

Roughly about an hour after they had gotten home, Sam woke up in her cellar. She was as always handcuffed spread-eagled to her bed. Jonah was, though, sitting calmly at the end of the bed between her legs eating an apple.

Something else was different, there was a dim light filling the room through the small crack of a window she had been provided with, but that wasn't it. No, it felt colder, as she slowly came out of her drugged state and looked down, she was horrified to find herself stark naked. Jonah had hurt her physically before but he had never gone this far. He was smirking at her when she finally looked at him, the apple had been discarded and he was how holding a long, leather whip in his abusing hands. She couldn't face looking as he slowly straddled her and began the physical abuse of a whip, the sexual abuse of rape and the emotional abuse of having her first time be with her torturer instead of her love. So she snapped her eyes close and took her escape. She thought about iCarly as the whip came down, she remembered her brunette best friend as he laughed and she reminisced about those wonderful kisses with Freddie as the deed was done.

The next day after she had yet again been forced to the recording studio, she found out the owner of her record label was coming to listen to her today because he thought her latest music lacked emotion. Sure it lacked emotion after Jonah's father had changed her name to Alyssa Kelly, dyed her hair chestnut brown and had it chemically straightened, her mother had 'disappeared' and they made her sing preppy love songs and not her own, she didn't much feel emotion for their music never mind the fact she was constantly being abused.

While she was singing her new song for the owner. She could see him frowning so she wasn't surprised to hear him say.

"I hate it. Not you dear, the song. Did you write it?"

"No." She replied.

"Well, there's your problem. Do you have any songs you have written?"

She pulled a notebook out of her pocket. It had 'SAM' tattooed across the front. It held all the songs she had written it her teenage years, "Yes."

"Well, sing that for me and we'll see."

She flicked through the book until she got to the last song she'd written before she was offered the record deal. The one she'd written after their 100th webshow. She walked backwards and gave the music to the band. Two minutes later, they started playing her favourite of her songs, the most significant and perhaps the one that could save her.

She took a deep breath and began to sing;

"**Just keep tuggin', pushin', pullin' all my little heartstrings****  
****Got me all tied up in knots****  
****Anytime I see your face****  
****Oh it brings out****  
****It brings out the girl in me.******

**Don't know just how ya did it****  
****But ya got me real good****  
****Hook, line, and sinker like I knew you could****  
****But you don't even notice****  
****Boy, I wish you would******

**I can't help myself****  
****I can't help but smile****  
****Everytime I see your face****  
****And we've never met****  
****I bet you don't know my name****  
****Am I out of my mind****  
****I think that I might be goin' crazy****  
****'Cause my heart is your's to have and hold or break****  
****How'd you get to be so close when you're so far away******

**I think he might be close to perfect****  
****Girls you know what I mean****  
****He's got a face straight out of a magazine****  
****Gotta pinch myself to prove he ain't a dream******

**Oh Oh Oh******

**I can't help myself****  
****Now my secret's out****  
****I can't help but smile****  
****Everytime I see your face****  
****And we've never met****  
****I bet you don't know my name****  
****Am I outta my mind****  
****I think that I might be goin' crazy****  
****'Cause my heart is your's to have and hold or break****  
****How'd you get to be so close when you're so far away******

**I wish you were mine all mine****  
****Mine all mine****  
****I wish you were mine all mine****  
****I wish you were mine******

**I can't help but smile****  
****Everytime I see your face****  
****And we've never met****  
****I bet you don't know my name****  
****Am I outta my mind****  
****I think that I might be goin' crazy****  
****'Cause my heart is your's to have and hold or break******

**How'd you get to be so close when you're so far away****  
****How'd you get to be so close when you're so far away"**

The owner smiled.

"There's my number-one single. I want it recorded and released for next week!"

Sam was ecstatic; she just hoped Carly remembered...


	4. The Radio and The Redheaded Girl

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly or So Close :(

Carly's Pov (one and a half weeks later)

I glanced at the clock 6.30pm. Reuben would be here to pick me up for our date soon. I was dressed in my favourite mini-skirt and boob tube, my waist length straight red hair was pulled back tightly in its regular bun. We were going clubbing.

I really had no clue why I went out with Reuben, I didn't like him and he was always trying to force me to take drugs. I suppose the fact he pining over Sam for so many years back then makes me feel some kind of connection to her.

But that's stupid. I know she's dead, she disappeared after her first album and no one will tell me what happened, no matter who I call.

"Ding Dong!"

That's Reuben now, come to take me out for another night on the town, it seems that's all I ever do now. But it's like the rush takes my mind off Sam and the mess she left behind.

No wonder Spencer's all but disowned me.

I walk silently to the door once again doubting the road I've travelled down. I open the door and there's Reuben, smiling that fake smile of his. At least he talks like a normal person now.

"Come on, babe. We're gonna be late!" He pouts.

"K, I'm coming."

But then he moves and I see the door across from mine. The door my second best friend has trapped himself behind for 4 and a half years now. And I freeze.

Memories come flooding back, Sam grabbing Freddie and kissing him on our webshow, Sam singing. Sam leaving, me crying, Freddie disappearing almost as completely as Sam, My world crashing down, Pain...

Reuben yanks me by the arm down the hall and out of my head. Back to life in crazy town.

Five minutes later, we're in his car speeding down the highway. This kid has no sense of safety, then again would I care if I died, would anyone care...

I turn up the radio to interrupt my thoughts so I can't. Some sort of heavy metal's on just what I need. But then that song's over and another one starts. One that makes me sit bolt upright when I hear it. One I haven't heard for five years, Sam's song. Sam's secret song the one she swore she'd never let leave her sight.

"**Just keep tuggin', pushin', pullin' all my little heartstrings****  
****Got me all tied up in knots, ****  
****Anytime I see your face****  
****Oh it brings out, ****  
****It brings out the girl in me."**

So Close; And then I'm struggling to listen to the words, to hear the voice to make sure it's Sam singing, it sounds like Sam, it has to be Sam.

"And that was So Close by Alyssa Kelly. I have to admit much better than the dribble she's been singing for four and a half years!" The DJ announced.

That cleared any doubts Carly had. Alyssa had been singing for four and a half years, Sam had been missing for four and a half years. Alyssa was singing Sam's most private song and the name change would account for the disappearance.

But she couldn't understand it, logically it all made sense, the pieces of the puzzle finally fitted together, but where was Sam and why was she a stranger?

Sam's Pov

The song had been released and was deemed Alyssa's best song ever. Radio DJs marvelled at the change and it was played at least every 2 hours in all 50 states.

The song had been such a success; a tour had been planned for first time ever to ten cities across the country;

**Montgomery **

**Sacramento**

**Boston**

**Nashville**

**Madison**

**Orlando**

**Atlanta**

**New York**

**Phoenix**

And finally, the name that made my blue eyes widen;

**Seattle**

The final stop on her three month tour, where I was to spend a week after it ended, was home. I was going home...

Carly Pov

I told Reuben I wasn't feeling well and made him drive me home. He wasn't too happy about that! Grumbled the whole way though I doubt he'll remember tomorrow when he's high.

When I got home, Spencer was already asleep. So I got a drink and sat down at the computer, research time.

I went on every website I could find about Alyssa Kelly that wasn't some randomer being mean or perverted. Until finally I stumbled upon something that made my heart jump she was coming here on tour in three months. Sam was coming home.

Finally; maybe I could get her to stay, maybe Freddie would be normal again if I could find some way to speak to him and get him to listen and maybe everything would be normal or was that just wishful thinking...


	5. Plans and Doubt

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly, unfortunately

General POV – Sam

Tonight was Sam's concert in Nashville. Everyday people commented on much happier she sounded since the tour was announced. They put it down to the fact her music was finally having some effect, entertaining people.

But that was Alyssa. Sam was happy because every town took her closer to what would hopefully be her final destination if Carly remembered. Her only fear was that Freddie would be gone, torn from this world by his own conflicting emotions.

But there was a darker side to this tour. Jonah had noticed the change in her temperament and ever since he crossed the invisible barrier between them that dreadful night, he felt he could do anything to keep her grounded. And it scared her; the abuse no longer just resulted in a gain of bruises but in a loss of dignity as well.

General POV- Carly

Carly had been planning for weeks she had to get to Freddie, tell him what she knew. Two heads were better than one and she could get one of her friends back. A slice of normality could return, stretching after its long sleep.

She had sat up all the previous night watching iCarly videos, looking at photos and planning every last detail. Everything must go perfectly this could be her only chance.

She knew Mrs. Benson went out every Saturday evening at 6 and didn't return to well past midnight. Other than that she never left the house. Tonight was the night.

Spencer had left for work at 5 so Carly spent an hour looking through her peephole waiting for Mrs. Benson; it brought back a fresh wave of memories:

**Carly went to get her keys out of her bag but dropped her water bottle. Freddie ran out of his apartment.**

"**You dropped this!"**

"**Um... Thanks. But you..."**

"**I was gonna walk you home from school but I couldn't find ya. Hey!" Freddie waved over-excitedly.**

"**Freddie, where you just looking out your peephole waiting for me to come home?"**

"**No-ho-ho"**

"**Freddie?"**

"**Yes." Freddie looks down.**

Mrs Benson left the apartment at precisely 6 o'clock, walking quickly as if to avoid detection. Carly slowly opened her door and walked across the hallway. She ran her hands along the top of the doorframe, praying Mrs. Benson still kept the spare key there. Feeling the cold metal beneath her trembling fingertips, she let out a sigh of relief. She would not fail.

But she froze before her hand and the key made it to the door. What if Freddie had changed? What if he refused to listen? What if he had finally carried out what she had always been scared he would?

She pulled herself out of this train of thought; she had to do this for Sam or Alyssa, whoever, she needed to do this for her best friend.

She turned the key in the lock and flung open the door silently and began to walk through the Bensons' living room. Everything looked the same as it had done four and a half years ago after Sam had disappeared and Freddie told her he didn't need this world anymore.

Except now everything was covered in a thick blanket of dust and what appeared to be Freddie's laptop lay smashed up in one corner, along with a mountain of broken plates.

She began to run towards the door that once seemed friendly and appealing but now only seemed daunting and frightening because behind it laid the truth.

She slowly pushed open and gasped, perched on the end of his bed was Freddie, well sort of.


	6. Freddie, well sort of

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly or So Close :(

General POV

Freddie glanced up at her and she looked her former friend over taking in every detail. His once chocolate brown hair and now had been dyed viciously black and the once laughter-filled eyes were now empty and uncaring. He was shirtless and it was clear he had not left the apartment in many years as his skin was pale and ghostly, also across his chest there were scratch marks that made it apparent that he took all his frustration out on himself. The black skinny jeans that were hanging off his hips left nothing to be desired and there were scars cris-crossing over both his wrists where he had been self-harming for a very long time and a sharp knife was positioned above the right wrist ready and willingly to make another incision.

Carly wanted to cry, this was not the fun-loving boy she remembered, and no this one's eyes without any recognition blasted all thoughts of the previous Freddie out of her mind.

Until, "Carly?" The knife fell to the floor and he made no movement to pick up its blood encrusted handle.

"What are you doing here?" The voice wasn't mean or full of contempt just surprise and curiousness.

"Freddie, I have something to tell you and you have to promise to listen." He nodded curiousness temporarily blocking out the pain.

"Freddie, I've found Sam, She's ALIVE."

"No, she's not, Carly! Is this some sort of dare? Are you here to hurt me? I searched for Sam for years, she's completely disappeared. Her and her mom." He had stood up at the beginning of this out-burst but now collapsed to the floor and began to reach for the knife.

"No, Freddie!" Carly grabbed at his wrist and he looked up at the contact.

"She's living under a new name, still making music and she's coming here on tour. To Seattle, I need your help to save her. Freddie, I don't she's lost contact because she wants to, I think there is something sinister going on and whoever is making her stay got rid of her mom!"

"I wish I could believe you, Carly." He whispered, "But it's not true, if it was I could have found her. I could have found Sam, my Sam." He seemed to drift into some fantasy world before shaking himself out of it and reaching for the knife again.

But Carly got there before him and threw it away.

"Stop, Freddie!" She could tell he could was going to take some persuading.

**Sorry, this is just a filler but I knew how much you guys wanted to find out what happened to Freddie, so there you go. What'd you think? Was it what you expected? I tried to incorporate some of your ideas.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	7. Alyssa Kelly

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly or So Close or Dear Mr President; no all I own is the stupid plot :(

General POV- Seattle

Carly sighed and reached round to the back pocket of her jeans. Freddie was confused as she unfolded and carefully smoothed the piece of paper she found there.

"Look!" She shoved the piece of paper towards him. He slowly looked into her expecting eyes, suddenly reminded of the old days with Sam, the flood of pain came rushing back and he backed up trying desperately to find something to strike himself with.

But Carly had guessed his next move by the distressed look he gave her and pounced at him, straddling his hips, effectively trapping him.

"Look!" Was all she said again, shoving what he could now make out to be a magazine cover, at his face. He gave up and reached for it, thinking obeying her would get rid of her quicker; her and the memories.

He smoothed out the paper and held it up to his eyes. The cover was the photo of girl named Alyssa Kelly. She had shoulder length, poker-straight chestnut brown hair and her eyes were striking deep pools of blue. She was incredibly thin, too thin, he thought, anorexic thin. But then so were all these pop-stars. She had a wide, happy smile on her face but her eyes told a story of despair, hurt, fear and unanswered questions, something that reminded very much of his own. Although he felt like he wanted her to mean something to him, everything to him (something that very much confused him), she just didn't.

"Carly who is this Alyssa Kelly and why are you showing me a picture of her?" She sighed, making him feel as if he should know better.

"Do you remember that notebook Sam used to carry round when we were teenagers?" He winced at the sound of her name, did they have to talk about Sam.

"Yes, but I..." Carly carried on as if he hadn't said anything.

"Well, that was full of songs that she wrote. She showed them to me before she left for L.A." She could see the questioning look on his face but this time he made no effort to voice them but just let her ramble on.

"Alyssa Kelly has been recording songs since about four and a half years ago. For all those years she has been singing dribble, nothing worth listening to. But about four weeks ago she released this amazing song." She pulled her pearpod out of her pocket and pulled over his speakers to put it into. He jumped at the outburst of music but was somewhat comforted by the words, they reminded him of his relationship with a certain blonde, headed demon. Well before she left...

"**Just keep tuggin', pushin', pullin' all my little heartstrings****  
****Got me all tied up in knots****  
****Anytime I see your face****  
****Oh it brings out****  
****It brings out the girl in me.******

**Don't know just how ya did it****  
****But ya got me real good****  
****Hook, line, and sinker like I knew you could****  
****But you don't even notice****  
****Boy, I wish you would******

**I can't help myself****  
****I can't help but smile****  
****Everytime I see your face****  
****And we've never met****  
****I bet you don't know my name****  
****Am I out of my mind****  
****I think that I might be goin' crazy****  
****'Cause my heart is your's to have and hold or break****  
****How'd you get to be so close when you're so far away******

**I think he might be close to perfect****  
****Girls you know what I mean****  
****He's got a face straight out of a magazine****  
****Gotta pinch myself to prove he ain't a dream******

**Oh Oh Oh******

**I can't help myself****  
****Now my secret's out****  
****I can't help but smile****  
****Everytime I see your face****  
****And we've never met****  
****I bet you don't know my name****  
****Am I outta my mind****  
****I think that I might be goin' crazy****  
****'Cause my heart is your's to have and hold or break****  
****How'd you get to be so close when you're so far away******

**I wish you were mine all mine****  
****Mine all mine****  
****I wish you were mine all mine****  
****I wish you were mine******

**I can't help but smile****  
****Everytime I see your face****  
****And we've never met****  
****I bet you don't know my name****  
****Am I outta my mind****  
****I think that I might be goin' crazy****  
****'Cause my heart is your's to have and hold or break******

**How'd you get to be so close when you're so far away****  
****How'd you get to be so close when you're so far away"**

"See Freddie when I first heard that song, I was so excited the words reminded me of something I once been shown and the voice of one I hadn't heard in a long time..." She was drowned out as another song came on but it was clear she hadn't wanted to say much more. She had this timed perfectly.

The song was a recording of the moment he thought about non-stop, the moment that changed everything, he wanted to cover his ears and block out the pain but Carly had his arms pinned to his sides.

_**It was time for Sam's talent. She stood on the stage with her pink guitar and she began to sing a cover of Pink's Song 'Dear Mr President'**__._

"_**Dear Mr. President, **__**  
**__**Come take a walk with me.**__**  
**__**Let's pretend we're just two people and**__**  
**__**you're not better than me.**__**  
**__**I'd like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly.**__****_

_**What do you feel when you see all the homeless on the street?**__**  
**__**Who do you pray for at night before you go to sleep?**__**  
**__**What do you feel when you look in the mirror?**__**  
**__**Are you proud?**__****_

_**How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?**__**  
**__**How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?**__**  
**__**How do you walk with your head held high?**__**  
**__**Can you even look me in the eye**__**  
**__**and tell me why?**__**  
**_

He began to notice similarities between Sam voice and this Alyssa person's.

_**Dear Mr. President, **__**  
**__**Were you a lonely boy?**__**  
**__**Are you a lonely boy?**__**  
**__**Are you a lonely boy?**__**  
**__**How can you say**__**  
**__**No child is left behind?**__**  
**__**We're not dumb and we're not blind.**__**  
**__**They're all sitting in your cells**__**  
**__**while you pave the road to hell.**__****_

_**What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away?**__**  
**__**And what kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay?**__**  
**__**I can only imagine what the first lady has to say**__**  
**__**you've come a long way from whiskey and cocaine.**__****_

_**How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?**__**  
**__**How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?**__**  
**__**How do you walk with your head held high?**__**  
**__**Can you even look me in the eye?**__**  
**_

He just wanted Carly to turn it off, how could she hurt him like this; raising his hopes when there was no chance Sam was alive..._**  
**_

_**Let me tell you 'bout hard work**__**  
**__**Minimum wage with a baby on the way**__**  
**__**Let me tell you 'bout hard work**__**  
**__**Rebuilding your house after the bombs took them away**__**  
**__**Let me tell you 'bout hard work**__**  
**__**Building a bed out of a cardboard box**__**  
**__**Let me tell you 'bout hard work**__**  
**__**Hard work**__**  
**__**Hard work**__**  
**__**You don't know nothing 'bout hard work**__**  
**__**Hard work**__**  
**__**Hard work**__**  
**__**Oh**__****_

_**How do you sleep at night?**__**  
**__**How do you walk with your head held high?**__**  
**__**Dear Mr. President, **__**  
**__**You'd never take a walk with me.**__**  
**__**Would you?"**_

"You see Freddie," Carly voice interrupted the recording, "So Close, Alyssa Kelly's new song, it was at the very back of Sam's precious notebook, scribbled in her messy handwriting. Her favourite song, her most secret song and the one she swore she'd never let leave her side. She showed it to me that night after she wrote it, after she sang on iCarly. After you two... kissed."

By the serious look on her face, showed him she wasn't lying though he didn't think he would have been strong to doubt her even if it hadn't.


	8. Friends and Skin Torn Apart

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly or So Close; no all I own is the stupid plot :(

"S..Sam?" Was all he could manage to say.

"Yes. But I don't think she stayed away on purpose. Freddie, I think someone's hurting her."

He was suddenly overcome with anger. He stood up and Carly went hurtling to the ground. He raced over to where the knife had been thrown and grabbed but for a different purpose than before, not to hurt himself.

"No-one hurts Sam!" Carly was frightened by this strange epiphany but a smile engulfed her face at his words, she had got through to him. Impossible task number one was complete.

"I know Freddie but as I said before she has gone on tour and Seattle is her final stop, she'll be here for a week. We have to save her." He nodded in agreement and they set to work planning every detail, everything had to go perfectly, Sam was at stake.

**One O'clock , the next morning. Freddie's bedroom.**

Freddie lay tossing and turning in his bed. Horrible nightmares of faceless men hurting Sam, of strange girls called Alyssa taking over her body haunted his mind. All of a sudden he jolted awake, one stray thought; a question had jumped out amongst this web of horror.

_Carly had said Sam had written the song, So Close, back when she was fifteen. A love song, her favourite and most secret. So Sam was in love with some boy. His Sam. His Sam loved someone else so much she wrote a love song for them, not him. But who?_

**General Pov SAM **

Sam was scared. Jonah had seen her smile today and he was angry. After he had handcuffed her as usual to her bed in the Hotel in Nashville. He had whispered cruelly,

"I'll be back!" Then he'd spat at her and left. She didn't know what he was going to do and she was terrified.

10 minutes later he came storming through the door. He had a brown paper bag swinging at his side. He didn't say anything to her and she was too scared to say anything to him. He put the bag down on the table across the room and she strained to see what he took out of it.

There was the leather whip she had become accustomed to, a jumbo pack of condoms but she doubted he would use them as he had taking a liking to making her swallow what he produced in his moment of climax, and a gag but all of these were normal, nothing different but what terrified her the most was the last thing he pulled out. A Scalpel.

After at least four hours of the usual degrading sexual abuse. Jonah pulled his clothes back on and reached for the knife he had laid conveniently by the side of the bed. Replacing the gag he had removed to order her to "swallow", he laughed at her eyes full of terror and begging.

"Oh Sam, Sam, Sam. You brought this all upon yourself. Dressing provocatively on iCarly, for Freddie I presume, I had to get you away from his grubby nerdy hands. And then today, this tour has made you too confident, I had to bring you back down to earth, sweetheart."

He stroked her cheek before letting his left hand run the length of her torso. Over her shoulder, over her breasts and her thin stomach. Then with one swift movement his right hand followed his left with the scalpel in tow.

After that first cut he didn't hold back but made a labyrinth of incisions across her pale skin where nobody else would notice them, until she was battered and bleeding. He had taken another step past the whippings and punching, past the kicking and slapping, all of which seemed harmless now. He had taken a step so far, her normal escape of thinking about iCarly and Freddie no longer could pull her out of her violent reality and into a blissful haven, the pain was too much.

Then delivering a much deeper blow, not with his scalpel but his words, he chuckled,

"See, you in the morning babe. You'll be mine forever."

Carly had to remember or she was sure her time would soon run out, just like her mother's...

**General POV Carly**

Carly was so excited, Freddie believed her, and he was going to help her get Sam back. He wasn't anywhere near the boy he used to be and she was sure he was probably still self-harming but he would stop when they found Sam, he loved her. Sam would be bubbly and happy and violent and ham-loving just like she used to be and everything would be the way it was before, perfect.......

**Sam:**

Sam lay her bed writhing in pain, as the last flicker of her unique spirit was extinguished by the cold metal of Jonah's scalpel. She was anything but normal...

**Hey Guys, I hope you enjoyed the two chapters I posted today. I have some bad news though I tests all this week and next so if I don't get to update at the weekend I promise I will next Wednesday or Thursday, I really enjoy writing the story and reading your reviews so Thanks for reading!**

**Special thanks to;**

_kpfan72491_

_Bartsim18_

_Crazii-fan4all__  
__spiritiris_

_GGSVHM_

_schnauzerlover_

discostick0shalala

lollipopz98

Longtoplover

And

BeautifulDreamer.x

_For Reviewing_


	9. Change and Disappointment

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly or So Close or Homeless Heart; they belong to the ingenious Dan and the brilliant Jeanette McCurdy

**Six Weeks Later**

The last six weeks had past slowly for Sam. Every day was a mess of the rush of performing and the cheers but the day always ended with a fresh new set of deepening cuts and bruises, every minute was full of an overwhelming sense of fear and terror.

But now that period was over and the only thing she could feel now was anticipation, the feeling of homecoming blocked out the pain like a numbing painkiller.

She had been in Seattle for two days already practising in the new environment and touring her old hometown and tonight was her concert...

**Carly/Freddie**

Freddie slowly slid the shiny knife slowly across his already scared pale wrist. But it longer gave the same rush of relief as it used to, he had new more profound problems and worries that needed a new type of cut to give that same relief.

A tear rolled down his cheek and landed on the skin about two inches from his elbow, he moved the knife up to its landing place and made a deeper incision feeling the relief wash over him.

He began thinking about Sam. _What if it wasn't her tonight? What if she was really dead? What if Carly had made a mistake, What if he had made a mistake? And if it was her, What if she still hated him?_But he was brought back to earth with a crash as Carly came bursting through the door, an overexcited look on her face.

Carly had been in a bubbly exhilarated mood for weeks, she had blocked out everything but hope and joy and only ever talked about how perfect everything would be. She ignored Freddie's pain and truly believed he was the same boy on the inside as he had been when they were fifteen.

But as she burst through the door, she was brought tumbling back to reality at the same time as Freddie. It was the first time in six weeks that she had caught him cutting himself and though she knew in the back of her mind he was, that was exactly where she kept the thought, the back of her mind...

Now, looking at him, she realised he was no longer a bubbly tech geek but a 20-year old man who was so lost in the world that hurting himself seemed normal.

It was time for the concert and she forced him into the bathroom to get cleaned up and dressed. She, herself was wearing her shortest skirt (it resembled a black leather belt), a purple animal print boob tube and her freshly dyed blood red hair fell poker straight to her waist.

Freddie emerged from the bathroom fully dressed and Carly couldn't help but think that with his deathly pale skin from never leaving the house and his bloodshot eyes that where rimmed with purple shadows from lack of sleep, he looked like a vampire prince.

He was dressed in a tight-fitting black tank top, those horrible revealing black skinny jeans and heavy looking black boots. His vicious jet black hair hung scarily over his eyes and he was adorned with a multitude of chains and spikes.

"You are going to get soaked without a jacket." She scolded. He chuckled and his bloodshot eyes caught hers full of worry and doubt.

"I just want to feel the rain on my skin after five years, Carls." She neglected to mention that he would have plenty of time to feel the rain once they got Sam back. She could see he doubted their plan and thought he would be returning to this room to make that final cut that very night. This only increased her need to succeed.

They didn't talk the whole way to the concert hall and when they arrived they were almost too nervous to notice each others' presence. Carly woke herself from her nervous slumber and draped a backstage pass over Freddie's head. She must have entered at least 100 radio competitions before she won the two passes. Dropping her own gracefully over her head and flicking her hair out from under it, she led Freddie hesitantly through the door into the auditorium.

It was a small room with only about 150 seats which suited Alyssa's tour perfectly as she was only just gaining fans to her new music. They sat down shaking into their front row seats, another benefit of Carly's obsessive competition entering.

They had only been sitting in their seats for about 30 seconds when the lights dimmed and a voice announced,

"Tonight, Alyssa Kelly will take to the stage for only the tenth time to entertain and amaze you!"

A terribly thin but seemingly happy young woman ran on the stage, her straight chestnut hair bouncing and blue eyes shining. She stopped at the microphone and started to sing.

**Sam**

She opened my mouth to sing and was suddenly absorbed in the lyrics of her new unreleased song,

**Lonesome stranger****  
****With a crowd around you****  
****I see who you are******

**You joke, they laugh****  
****Till the show is over****  
****Then you fall so hard******

**If you're needing****  
****A soul-to-soul connection****  
****I'll run to your side******

**When you're lost in the dark****  
****When you're out in the cold****  
****When you're looking for something that resembles your soul****  
****When the wind blows your house of cards****  
****I'll be a home to your homeless heart******

**Open close me****  
****Leave your secrets with me****  
****I can ease your pain******

**And my arms will be****  
****Just like walls around you****  
****Come in from the rain******

**If you're running****  
****In the wrong direction****  
****I will lead you back******

**When you're lost in the dark****  
****When you're out in the cold****  
****When you're looking for something that resembles your soul****  
****When the wind blows your house of cards****  
****I'll be a home to your homeless heart******

**Broken****  
****Shattered like a mirror****  
****In a million pieces****  
****Sooner or later****  
****You've got to find****  
****Something someone****  
****To find you and save you******

**When you're lost in the dark****  
****When you're out in the cold****  
****When you're looking for something that resembles your soul****  
****When the wind blows your house of cards****  
****I'll be a home to your homeless heart******

**When you're looking for something that resembles your soul****  
****When the wind blows your house of cards****  
****I'll be a home to your homeless heart******

**I'll be a home to your homeless heart**

When she finished the first song, her eyes began to scan the crowd looking for an older tech geek or girly girl smiling up at her. But she could find either brunette. A sense of disappointment engulfed her and she began to sing her hit song with more emotion than she ever had; emotion at the loss of her best friend and only love;

"**Just keep tuggin', pushin', pullin' all my little heartstrings****  
****Got me all tied up in knots****  
****Anytime I see your face****  
****Oh it brings out****  
****It brings out the girl in me.******

**Don't know just how ya did it****  
****But ya got me real good****  
****Hook, line, and sinker like I knew you could****  
****But you don't even notice****  
****Boy, I wish you would******

**I can't help myself****  
****I can't help but smile****  
****Everytime I see your face****  
****And we've never met****  
****I bet you don't know my name****  
****Am I out of my mind****  
****I think that I might be goin' crazy****  
****'Cause my heart is your's to have and hold or break****  
****How'd you get to be so close when you're so far away******

**I think he might be close to perfect****  
****Girls you know what I mean****  
****He's got a face straight out of a magazine****  
****Gotta pinch myself to prove he ain't a dream******

**Oh Oh Oh******

**I can't help myself****  
****Now my secret's out****  
****I can't help but smile****  
****Everytime I see your face****  
****And we've never met****  
****I bet you don't know my name****  
****Am I outta my mind****  
****I think that I might be goin' crazy****  
****'Cause my heart is your's to have and hold or break****  
****How'd you get to be so close when you're so far away******

**I wish you were mine all mine****  
****Mine all mine****  
****I wish you were mine all mine****  
****I wish you were mine******

**I can't help but smile****  
****Everytime I see your face****  
****And we've never met****  
****I bet you don't know my name****  
****Am I outta my mind****  
****I think that I might be goin' crazy****  
****'Cause my heart is your's to have and hold or break******

**How'd you get to be so close when you're so far away****  
****How'd you get to be so close when you're so far away"**

After singing the rest of her songs, she ran quickly to her dressing room. She turned on the hot water in the shower in the ensuite and striped before stepping into the shower.

The hot water stung her cuts so she washed her hair quickly and got out. She pulled on her scarlet underwear and her black silk dressing gown, letting her wet hair drip down her back. Then reality came rushing back to her and she remembered she wasn't escaping, Carly had forgotten, she wasn't ever going to see Freddie again. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she thought of future pain and flung open the bathroom door.

Standing on the other side of her dressing room stood two people about the same age as her. They were panting and the girl raised a backstage pass. Sam wiped her eyes and struggled to stay in the present. The boy looked like his heart was breaking or had been broken for a long time and he was staring at her with a curious expression. His girlfriend had probably dragged him here...

"Hey, I'm Alyssa Kelly. Sorry, I didn't know anyone was coming back tonight."

She tried to say in a happy voice. She noted how they glanced at each other and suddenly noticed the tense atmosphere, _what was going on?_

**Hey Guys, I really enjoy writing the story and reading your reviews so Thanks for reading!**

**Special thanks to;**

_kpfan72491_

_Bartsim18_

_Crazii-fan4all__  
__spiritiris_

_GGSVHM_

_schnauzerlover_

discostick0shalala

lollipopz98

Longtoplover

And

BeautifulDreamer.x

_For Reviewing_


	10. Vampires, Slayers and Realisation

_**Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly as Catherine regularly reminds me!**_

There was an eeriness about the two people but strange sense of safety clouding her thoughts even though two perfect strangers had just burst into her dressing room and where beholding her with a curious, intriguing looks.

They were a strange couple really. And they seemed to prove the saying opposites attract, well if they were dating.

The boy was clad in a chest hugging black tank top, super revealing black skinny jeans and heavy looking black boots with a mop of crudely chopped jet black hair hanging scarily over his eyes and a multitude of chains and spikes hanging from everywhere. Dark shadows rimmed his bloodshot eyes, but the things that scared her the most where his eyes empty and uncaring, staring unblinkingly at her, burning holes in her skin; his skin was pale and ghostly, and from the beginning of his top she could see scratch marks that seemed to lead down and she could imagine them weaving across his deathly pale chest. There were scars cris-crossing over both his wrists with a few fresh cuts. He was the perfect image of a vampire, tortured and alone.

Then standing beside him was a person seemingly his opposite in appearance but just as tortured. The empty brown eyes looking timidly at her occasionally showed a flicker of hope, but mostly reflected her tormented soul. A mane of blood red hair fell straight and stiff to the girls thin waist. She was dressed like a slut but it didn't seem right as if the image didn't fit the soul. She was wearing a tiny skirt (it resembled a black leather belt), a purple animal print boob tube that she was falling out of and a pair of deadly heels. She had no physical scars but Sam could sense she had emotional scars tearing her up inside.

The Boy a vampire and the Girl his slayer did not seem like a normal couple. In fact maybe they weren't; the space between them spoke volumes that answered questions Sam wouldn't have dared to ask.

"Can we sit down?" The Girl broke the silence pointing at the couch between Sam and the two. Sam just nodded suddenly wary of the situation she was in. The two girls walked cautiously towards the couch but the boy stayed rooted the spot no longer panting and standing completely still as it frozen by some wicked witch's spell. The girls sat down beside each other facing the boy. Sam could feel the other girl's eyes on her, scrutinising her and timidly spoke for only the second time,

"Do... Do you want an autograph?" The Girl shook her head. Sam was confused, _what did they want? _

Sam gathered up the courage and swiftly looked the girl in the eyes maybe she would find her answers there if they refused to leave the girl's lips. The eyes saddened her and seemed to be begging her to realise some life-threatening truth.

After a couple of minutes of this staring contest, it dawned on her, the truth, the one she felt shameful for not realising from the start.

"C....Carly?" The girl beamed overjoyed.

"Sam!" Sam was over the moon. Carly hadn't forgotten; she'd remembered she'd just changed but so had Sam. She launched herself at Carly enveloping the girl in an everlasting bear-hug that would be forever etched in both their minds. After what seemed like forever the reunited best friends broke apart and Sam remembered the other presence.

She looked up at the boy still frozen to the spot staring at her with an intense curiosity.

"But if you're Carly; you must be..."

She drifted off; it couldn't be her one love. He'd killed himself long ago; she'd convinced herself of that. She barely noticed herself get up, taking one painfully slow step at a time towards the strange tortured boy before she was only about five steps from him, when she came to an abrupt stop. _It couldn't possibly be..._

"Freddie!" She screamed running those last few steps and leaping, his arms suddenly awaked from their frozen slumber, caught her and they both went tumbling to the ground.

Sam heard Carly giggle but she didn't care she had Freddie under her, Freddie's arms were wrapped around her waist, her arms were round Freddie's neck, and _**Freddie wasn't dead!**_

Suddenly another flash of recent memories of her descriptions of the new Carly and Freddie came back to her. She pulled back from Freddie standing up and pulling him up by the wrist surprised by her sudden return of strength. She shoved said wrist up to his eyes.

"Fredward Benson, what have you been doing to yourself?" She demanded. He pulled his wrist from her grip and looked down at her his grim expression rapidly returning in the blink of an eye.

"Me? What about you?" He demanded right back. She looked down at herself, her dressing gown had become undone and her interweaving scars from Jonah's scalpel were revealed.

**Hey Guys, quick question, do you think I should redo this chapter in Carly and Freddie's POV or just move on? And if so do them separately or merged? **

**Thanks for reading!**

**Special thanks to;**

_kpfan72491_

_Bartsim18_

_Crazii-fan4all__  
__spiritiris_

_GGSVHM_

_schnauzerlover_

discostick0shalala

lollipopz98

Longtoplover

And

BeautifulDreamer.x

_For Reviewing_


	11. Misconceptions and Acceptance

**Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly, I need to win the lottery before I buy it**

**These are Carly and Freddie's thoughts during the crucial moments of the previous chapter.**

**Carly's POV (3****rd**** person)**

Carly asked Sam could they sit down and surprisingly Sam silently nodded her head. They walked slowly closer to each other and sat on the couch facing Freddie. Carly had no time to worry about Freddie's frozen disposition, she had to get Sam to recognize her, she wouldn't believe her if she just told she had to realise herself and that was a problem.

Carly just stared at Sam unable to believe her best friend was sitting in front of her after five years. Sam just looked at her with a frustratingly blank expression and showed her misunderstanding by timidly saying;

"Do... Do you want an autograph?" Carly shook her head, angry at the misconceptions she couldn't put right with her words. Sam just looked confused.

Sam gathered up the courage and swiftly looked Carly, finally and determinedly, in the eyes, searching for unspoken truths. She needed Sam to recognise her, she was begging her with her eyes to realise this life-threatening truth.

Finally, the blank stare turned to an unbelievingly wonderful one full of recognition.

"C....Carly?" Carly beamed overjoyed.

"Sam!" They'd both changed on the outside but Carly knew deep down, they were the same people. Sam launched herself at Carly enveloping her in an everlasting bear-hug that would be forever etched in both their minds. After what seemed like forever the reunited best friends broke apart.

**Freddie POV (3****rd**** person)**

The girl, who he still refused to believe, was Sam (he wasn't that lucky), looked up timidly at him still frozen to the spot and still staring at her,

"But if you're Carly; you must be..."

She drifted off. It couldn't be her, couldn't be his Sam, She was gone forever. He barely noticed hers get up, taking one agonizing slow step at a time towards his tortured being before she was only about five steps from him, when she came to an abrupt stop. _It couldn't possibly be her, why was she stopping? What was wrong?_

"Freddie!" She screamed running those last few steps and leaping, his arms suddenly awaked from their frozen slumber, caught her and they both went tumbling to the ground.

Freddie heard Carly giggle but didn't care he now was convinced that this was Sam only she would have the strength to knock him down. _Sam was lying on top of him, his arms were draped around her waist, her arms were wrapped tightly around Freddie's neck, and __**She wasn't gone forever, she was there with him!**_

Suddenly she pulled back from Freddie, stood abruptly up and pulled him up by the wrist with that glorious strength of her's. She shoved said wrist up to his eyes.

"Fredward Benson, what have you been doing to yourself?"

She demanded. He was disappointed, he didn't want to talk about the past, he wanted to get out of here. He pulled his wrist from her grip and glanced downward, looking at his shoes but something caught his eyes on their journey south. He looked down at her his grim expression rapidly returning in the blink of an eye.

"Me? What about you?"

He demanded right back. Her dressing gown had become undone and between her lacy scarlet bra and pants there were a series of deep and sore-looking (and some infected) interweaving cuts and scars, _What had she or some else been doing to his Sam!!!_

**Hey Guys, quick question, do you think I should redo this chapter in Carly and Freddie's POV or just move on? And if so do them separately or merged? **

**Thanks for reading!**

**Special thanks to;**

_kpfan72491_

_Bartsim18_

_Crazii-fan4all__  
__spiritiris_

_GGSVHM_

_schnauzerlover_

discostick0shalala

lollipopz98

Longtoplover

iicarlyy-Ness

Good Graces

And

BeautifulDreamer.x

_For Reviewing_


	12. Contacts and Throwing Punches

**Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly, I need to win the lottery before I buy it**

**Sorry for the long wait. Christmas and all.**

**Please read my new one-shot; IWant to kiss you again and again. Seddie of course. **

Sam sighed and looked down. This wasn't something she had wanted them to find out. It made her feel dirty and ashamed because she had been defeated by such an insignificant item.

Carly got up quickly from where she was still sitting on the couch and raced over to where her two friends where now standing stiffly; Sam holding her dressing gown tightly around her, looking down and Freddie glaring at her but seemingly deep in thought.

They both came suddenly flying back into the present as Carly wedged herself between them and wrestled Sam's dressing gown open. Seeing for herself the deep and sore-looking (and some infected) interweaving cuts and scars, she gasped and tears rolled down her cheeks. She had deceived herself into thinking everything was going to be perfect and now the disappointment washed over her in a series of rapids.

"Sam? What's been happening?" When her friend refused to answer, she lifted her chin until Sam was staring her in the eyes.

"Who's been hurting you?"

"Jjjonaah." Sam managed to stutter before closing her eyes in shame and pulling her dressing gown closed again. Freddie was livid; who was this Jonah? Why was he hurting Sam? And how long would it take to pummel him? Carly grabbed his wrist, she knew he loved Sam and would probably take off to kill this Jonah, but she didn't need him exposing them.

"Who's Jonah? Sam? Sam!" Sam didn't answer for a few minutes and when she did, it was the softest possible whisper but every word was dripping in cold, pure hatred.

"He's my manger's son. He's the reason for all of this, my mom disappearing, the name change, the hair style and the public disappearance of Samantha Jean Puckett."

"We have to get out of here!" Carly stated to no-one in particular. She walked slowly around the room searching for a closet or suitcase. Finally opening a large door in the corner of the room, she beckoned to the other two to follow her in.

Freddie gazed around the connecting room; it was a large walk-in closet with walls laden with a mountain of clothes. Rails upon rails where stacked high along the walls, it was a mini mall.

Carly barely took in the sight but immediately went to the meek version of Sam present and asked pointedly,

"Is there anything in here that is totally not Alyssa's style or Sam's even?" Sam cautiously lifted her chin from where it was resting on her chest and quickly glancing around walked to the furthest corner, without so much as brushing against Carly or Freddie.

Carly followed her but Freddie stayed on the spot his eyes following the girls before roaming slowly the contents of the closet.

The corner in which Sam was now standing, once again looking down, had a small rail with a selection of the ugliest dresses Carly had ever seen. She pulled a yellow/brown one from the rack. It looked like it was made from an old newspaper that gone yellow with age and its modest neckline and to-the-knee length made it something any pop star or tom-boy would avoid at all costs. She grabbed a plain cream cardigan that was dangling beside it before shoving both items into Sam arms and instructing her to "go get changed".

Sam simply nodded, still believing that they wouldn't want to be her friends after what Jonah had done to her. That she wasn't good enough now that her skin wasn't perfect and she wasn't a virgin. Releasing that she hadn't actually told them she wasn't a virgin she was overcome with guilt and just felt more ashamed.

She was, without noticing, drifting slowly through the closet towards the door. She only became aware of the movement when she felt a hand grab her wrist and a familiar pleasant tingling spread through her body, numbing her completely. Something wiry was placed carefully into her hand, and raising her head she found herself looking into Freddie's beautiful eyes,

"Put that on." Was all he said before pushing her encouragingly toward the door. She walked, suddenly filled with anticipation through the door to the dressing room across the velvet carpet and into the bathroom.

Ten minutes later, Sam emerged in the hideous clothes Carly had picked for her and a pair of worn heels. On her head sat a wig of long healthy-looking raven black hair. Carly smiled and beckoned her over to the couch that she and Freddie were sitting on. Freddie frowned still unable to see the Sam that he had fallen in love with all those years ago.

Once Sam was between the two, Carly pulled from her purse; a make-up bag.

"Put these in." She said pulling a pair of contacts from the bag. Sam put them in and blinked a few times; the girl now looking at Carly had a pair of very ordinary hazel eyes, without any sparkle. Carly put away the make-up bag and handed her a pair of old-fashioned glasses and with the final touches complete; they were ready.

Sam gathered everything she needed and flung it carelessly into bag and slung in over her shoulder. The three stood, shoulder to shoulder, staring at the door that once opened held only success or failure.

"Freddie, you walk behind Sam, I'll walk in front. Turn right straight outside this door and head directly for the fire-exit at the end of the corridor. I know it's hard but try not to walk too fast. Everyone got it?" The other two nodded, Carly opened the door and led the way out, Sam following immediately behind her and then Freddie.

About half way down the corridor, with the fire-escape and safety in their horizons, the three former iCarly members were optimistic of their freedom.

**Freddie thought of him and Sam, safe and finally together forever.**

_Sam thought of finally seeing home, being safe and having friends, of being welcome and of course of Freddie._

Carly couldn't help but have her mind wonder back to her earlier expectations of perfection and ultimate safety.

"Hey, where are you three going?" A loud voice interrupted their bliss.

"Jonah!" Sam whispered, terrified. Freddie was suddenly fuming again, so this was Jonah.

"You go on; I'll take of him and meet you back at Bushwell. Run!" The other two looked at him terrified.

"Hello!" Jonah demanded. Freddie turned round without approval and walked towards Jonah. Carly looked at Sam, Sam gave one last fleeting look at Freddie's retreating back which now blocked Jonah's view and the two girls ran leaving Freddie behind.

With Freddie's new emo attire, Jonah did not recognize him from iCarly, and so Freddie could walk right up to Jonah and look him silently in the eyes for several moments before pulling his right hand back and punching him square in the nose. Before Jonah could recover, he took off running in the opposite direction, leading Jonah and his bodyguards away from his girls. He finally felt alive after five years of limbo.

**Hey Guys, Thanks for reading!**

**Special thanks to;**

_kpfan72491_

_Bartsim18_

_Crazii-fan4all__  
__spiritiris_

_GGSVHM_

_schnauzerlover_

discostick0shalala

natyrox97

lollipopz98

trainwreck17

Longtoplover

iicarlyy-Ness

Good Graces

And

BeautifulDreamer.x


	13. Multiple Changes and the Blood

**Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly, I need to win the lottery and rob a bank before I buy it**

**Merry Christmas!**

**Please read my new one-shot; **_**IWant to kiss you again and again **_**and my old one; **_**ISam Invisible**_**. Seddie of course. **

Carly and Sam ran and ran, never once looking back to see if anyone was following them. They turned corner after corner, raced down street after street until after what seemed like they had run the entire length of the city. Carly abruptly stopped and Sam ran into her back.

"Ow!" Both girls exclaimed glaring at each other before bursting into a fit of giggles. Sam recovered and looked forward to see the reason Carly had stopped. There towering before them was Bushwell Plaza, home to some of the wackiest people Sam had ever met, home to iCarly, home to Sam's best friend and the place Sam had spent most her nights, five years ago.

Grabbing Carly's hand she yanked the red-headed girl through the door. Expecting to hear loud cries of "People, in my lobby!" she was surprised when a clean-cut doorman walked up to her and simply said,

"Welcome to Bushwell Plaza, how may I help you?" Carly grinned at him and nodded pointedly at Sam,

"She's with me, Jenkins." The doorman smoothly walked back to his desk and sat down,

"Very well, Miss Shay. Your Brother forgot to collect your mail could you bring it up?" He lifted a book and began to read before Carly could answer and she quickly got the mail and grabbed Sam's hand, pulling her up the staircase. With one last glance at the man, who was now totally engrossed in 'Of Mice and Men', Sam muttered to Carly,

"Where's Lewbert?" Carly caught the question and replied in a monotone, still trekking up the stairs,

"Marta, Lewbert's psycho girlfriend found him again and he had to run for it." But before Sam could reply she noticed that they had stopped moving and where now standing in the hall between the two apartments that had meant the most to her in her teenage years. Carly stuck a key in the door to her apartment and pulled Sam in.

Sam stood and stared at the place that the sight of had once filled her with joy and a sense of friendship and love. The place she had thought of whenever she needed to escape was now only a shell of the place it had been. The living room that had once been filled with Spencer's sculptures and projects was now carpeted in a light cream carpet and the walls had a plain white wallpapered finish. The couch sitting in the middle of the room was red leather, it looked unwelcoming and like it had never been sat on, the TV was gone and in its place sat a large stack of old board games. The computer that Sam had spent so much time had now evaporated and its place was a large bouquet of silk roses. The place looked like a showroom from one of those House and Home magazines and not as if anyone lived there.

Carly shut the door behind and turned to Sam, seeing her reaction to the apartment she looked down.

"Spencer got mad when I started acting up after you disappeared and Freddie became antisocial, he stopped being an artist and went to work in a good nine-to-five office job. He took away everything that he thought was a bad influence or a reminder of the past in an effort to stop my behaviour. When I didn't change, he refused to even talk to me and even now after three years, I doubt we've said more than a few polite sentences to each other. We both led separate lives and we just happen to sleep under the same roof."

Sam considered everything she'd said, all the things that had changed because she left. Freddie, Carly and even Spencer had changed in the wake of her disappearance. Spencer had taken away all reminders of her past and the secure feeling she used to get from this apartment, now nothing was left. Then it occurred to her, the iCarly studio.

She raced away from Carly and up the stairs. She flung open the door to her old webshow studio hoping, wishing and praying that it was still intact but her hopes were dashed when she saw that the room was no longer adorned in slogans and wacky objects but seemed to be some sort of home office. Carly ran in behind her, just as someone in a desk chair turned round and looked her up and down. Spencer.

He was dressed neatly in a pin-stripe suit and had a tired, gloomy and distressed look etched on his face.

"Carly, you know you're not allowed in here. And who are you?" She couldn't take it anymore, forgetting her disguise; she was disheartened that Spencer didn't even recognize her anymore. She couldn't stay any longer, she ran down the stairs and out of the apartment, Carly following her and shouting "Sam!", and into only other place she could think to go. Freddie's apartment.

On her first look, Sam was glad to see the place hadn't changed much in five years but as Carly came to stand beside her and tried to pull her out of the apartment she noticed small differences that shocked her. Everything was covered in a thick blanket of dust, but she knew Mrs. Benson that always insisted on family time, and what appeared to be Freddie's laptop, that they used to do iCarly on, lay smashed up in one corner, along with a mountain of broken plates.

Something seriously wrong had been going wrong in Seattle and Sam had to find out what else had been going on.

Remembering the scars and cuts on Freddie's wrists and the scratch marks across his torso, she pulled away from Carly's yanking grasp, glared at her and stormed off towards Freddie's bedroom door across the room.

When faced with the door, she slowly reached for the doorknob and pushed it open hesitantly, suddenly afraid of the truths that lay behind it.

Starting in the far corner she let her eyes slowly roam the room taking in every detail. The walls had been painted black and were decorated with glow-in-the-dark skeletons in place of the spaceships that had been there the first time Sam had broken in. The carpet had been ripped off to reveal a cold wooden floor with nails sticking up where they had once held the carpet in place. On the floor halfway between the bed and the far corner sat an old CD player that was quietly playing slow, sad music that someone had forgotten to turn off in their rush to leave. A pile of empty tin cans of food sat against the back wall and beside it a little camping stove. Her eyes travelled over to the bed, there was a poster of her, well of Alyssa Kelly, lying discarded in the middle of the bed and beside it lay a sharp knife with a handle that seemed to be encrusted with some sort of dried liquid, but she couldn't make out what the liquid was against the cold black handle of the knife. The thin white sheets on the bed, that would not have protected anybody from the harsh cold of Seattle winters, were dotted with a series of bright red stains.

Everything came together in her mind, two and two added to give four. Looking between the knife and the stains, she gave a quick glance to Carly's expression which confirmed her theory, the liquid encrusted on the knife's handle and the bright red stains that adorned sheets was blood. Not just any blood, though. Freddie's blood. _Carly was right, he had been suicidal!_

That was the last thought that crossed her mind before it all went black.

**Hey Guys, Thanks for reading!**

**Special thanks to;**

_kpfan72491_

_Bartsim18_

_Crazii-fan4all__  
__spiritiris_

_GGSVHM_

_schnauzerlover_

discostick0shalala

natyrox97

lollipopz98

trainwreck17

Longtoplover

iicarlyy-Ness

Good Graces

And

BeautifulDreamer.x


	14. The Mud and The Confessions

**Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly, I need to win the lottery and rob a bank before I buy it**

**Happy new Year!**

**Please read my new one-shot; **_**IWant to kiss you again and again **_**and my old one; **_**ISam Invisible**_**. Seddie of course. **

Sam woke to a consistent beeping; rolling over to hit the alarm clock with her eyes still closed caused her to fall from the small, lumpy bed that was the cause of her uncomfortable state and probably the lingering pain in her back.

Before her frail body could hit the floor, a pair of strong arms caught her. Her eyes flickered open in surprise. The room was a glare of bright white light and before her bright blue eyes, in the absence of the contacts that had disguised them, could focus; her memory of the past five years came flooding back. She began to struggle in the arms that held her, convinced that HE had found her and was going to hurt her again.

"Jonah! Help!" She tried to scream, shutting her eyes again, not wishing to see her capturer but her throat was dry and all that came out a groan of helplessness.

"Sam, it's okay." A deep and oddly familiar voice tried to soothe her. The arms began to rock her back and forth and she relaxed in their grip. Her eyes fluttered open and gradually the scene before her began more focused and clear.

The arms placed her back on the bed and she groaned at being put back on the lumpy mattress of the bed and being taken away from the warm, comforting embrace of the person. She was lying in a hospital bed; the annoying beeping was coming from a heart monitor and not an endless alarm clock. The bright white, heavenly glow was caused by the dazzling white curtain, walls and bed covers. And the oddest sight of all was that of the exhausted person perched in the chair by her bed.

Freddie's raven black hair was sticking to his forehead covered in a dried brown muck and a thick layer of dirt almost completely covered the array of bruises that scattered across his skin in an intriguing pattern. His clothes were brutally torn and the chains that had earlier hung in their masses from them were now either broken or missing. Mud generously covered his upper arms that were also laden with bruises. The mysterious Freddie looked like he should be in pain, but his tired eyes gleamed with a sense of adventure.

Sam laughed at the concerned expression he gave her and mimed out that she wanted a drink as her throat was to dry for conversation. After he had fetched her drink she was determined to ask her questions and get answers without interruption.

"No interrupting Benson. Where's Carly?"

He grinned, the answer to this question painted him in a good light, "At home, it's four in the morning, so Spencer came and took her home at about midnight."

She gave him a questioning glare and without any emphasis asked, "Why are you not at home, young man?"

"Barely any home to go to, you know that. You saw the mess." She shuddered as she remembered the reason for her hospitalization.

"Your mother will have a fit when she sees you like that?" It was more of a question than a statement and Freddie looked down at himself.

"She won't care, that is if she's home." She sighed and moved on, not wanting to hurt his feelings.

"And why are you covered in dirt and bruises, my friend?" He smiled when she called him her friend and his grin widened when he realised what she had asked,

"After you and Carly ran, I hit Jonah and ran off in the other direction so he and his bodyguards wouldn't follow you two and you could get to Bushwell safely. They chased me for like 10 blocks and then I decided it was time to lose them so I ran into one of them stupid animal conservation parks and through this bunch of tall trees hoping they get lost. When I finally thought I lost them, I stopped for a bit to catch my breath and tried to find my way back to the road but they caught me just outside the trees and laid into me. Some tree-hugger found us, before they killed me though and called the police."

He said all of this slowly as if he was a children's storyteller and she could tell he was proud of his actions.

"So where's Jonah now and why haven't you gotten changed?"

"Well, we were taken by the police to give statements and while I was in the interview room, the DI was called out because he had a phone call. He came back in and said sorry, and that some girl had fainted and they found she was anorexic and had been physically and," He paused hesitating and skipped over what he found hard to say, "abused and that was the hospital reporting it. I gasped and said I thought it was you and he asked me if I knew who'd done it. I said it was Jonah and told him that was the reason I'd said I had hit him in my statement. The DI brought me directly to the hospital to confirm my theory and here I am. I suppose Jonah's locked up somewhere." He gushed.

Sam hadn't been paying much attention since he'd paused and ignored what he was going to say but she knew what it was, the only thing that fit, **physically and sexually abused**. _Freddie knew._ She looked down, not wanting to see the rejection in his eyes,

"I'm sorry." She whispered. He looked at her confused, she was avoiding his gaze and he didn't like it. He had missed those beautiful baby blues and wanted their attention.

"For what?" That's when Sam looked at him; she saw no rejection in his eyes only puzzlement and was in turn confused by Freddie's actions.

"Don't.... don't you hate me? Don't you think I'm disgusting, revolting, and untouchable?" Freddie was suddenly angry, what is she talking about? Why would he ever think that?

He voiced these opinions, "What are you talking about? Why would I ever think that? I'm your friend." She looked down again, ashamed.

"You know..." Now he was gobsmacked.

"What?!" He almost screamed.

"You know.... that I'm.........not.........a.......virgin anymore." She barely choked out. He glanced at her taken aback; he moved over and sat on the bed. Putting his fingers under her chin he raised her gaze to his, looked pityingly at her.

"Sam, that isn't your fault. And even if I did find you repulsive," She cringed at his choice of words, "Would it matter?"

She looked into his eyes and knew she had to tell him right then. This all seemed too good to be true and she was convinced Jonah would find her and she would never see him again, ever,

"Freddie, it **would** matter because I....... because I love you."

"I love you too, Sam." Ugh, he didn't understand, his simple response showed her that.

"No I mean I love you as...more than friends." She closed her eyes and waited for the rejection.

"I know, I love you too. Why else would I have ever bothered searching desperately for you, never leaving the house for five years because I was so busy searching? Why else would I have cut myself when I thought you had disappeared and were gone forever? Sam, I LOVE YOU." She shook her head slowly disbelievingly, eyes still closed.

"Sam, look at me." She obeyed opening her eyes and gazed into the seas of warm chocolate that where his. They showed her nothing but truth and passion.

"Well... lean." She giggled. He smiled, closed his eyes and leaned in until his lips met hers, softly. And then their thirst for each other took over, like two people who had never drank before and were suddenly introduced to water. Their lips moved passionately together and before Sam knew it, Freddie 'The Nub' Benson was licking her lip begging his former torturer for entrance. She obediently gave it and before long the heart monitor by the bed was going crazy. Freddie pulled away and chuckled, she glared at him annoyed by the loss of his lips on hers,

"Come back here, Benson." She pulled him in again, and the monitor went berserk once more.

**Hope you liked it. Bit different, it was happy for once so I not quite sure how it turned out but I'm happy with most of it. **

**Only the epilogue left now. **

**I need your advice when I finish this should I write a bunch of one-shots for a while or write another chapter story?**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Special thanks to;**

_kpfan72491_

_torturedbutcute_

_Bartsim18_

_Crazii-fan4all__  
__spiritiris_

_GGSVHM_

_schnauzerlover_

discostick0shalala

natyrox97

lollipopz98

trainwreck17

Longtoplover

iicarlyy-Ness

Good Graces

And

BeautifulDreamer.x


	15. The Final Chapter

**Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly, I need to win the lottery and rob a bank before I buy it**

**Nor do I own the song that belongs to Secondhand Serenade**

**Happy new Year!**

**Please read my new one-shot; **_**IWant to kiss you again and again **_**and my old one; **_**ISam Invisible**_**. Seddie of course. **

A girl of twenty-nine, dressed in a flow of silk, white dress was led gently by the hand on to the dance floor, by a tall man. The two stood alone in the centre with a hundred pairs of eyes watching them for their first dance in wedlock.

They stood a step or two apart from each other and smiled taking in their partner. This is what it has all come down to, endless years of friendship, five-long years of pain and nine years of romance.

The girl's hair had begun to twist and curl again after being harshly, chemically straightened and had been stripped, dyed and grown back to its long, flowing, golden state. Her once anorexic frame had filled out over the ten years and was now slim but curvy. The pain and hopelessness that once adorned her younger self's eyes was now gone and had been replaced by a bright sparkle of joy and love that was reflected in those of her partner.

He had a thick mop of hair that fell freely over his eyes, it was now free of its blackened state and she yearned to run her hands through its chocolate tresses. Dressed in a smart tux, that covered the now fading scars of his past pain, he took a step forward nodded to the DJ and the two began to swirl to their unusual song choice but then again they were an unusual couple.

**Best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting****  
****Could it be that we have been this way before****  
****I know you don't think that I am trying......****  
****I know you're wearing thin down to the core..**

The first verse reminded them both of their early teen days, the constant bickering that hid feelings of love from the each other and more importantly themselves. But every insult, every hurtful word dragged them back the insecurity.

**But hold your breath****  
****Because tonight will be the night that i will fall for you****  
****Over again**

The man smiled at his wife, the words were true but not just about this special night but all those that preceded it and all those that were to come whether they lived to forty or ninety-nine.

**Don't make me change my mind****  
****Or I won't live to see another day****  
****I swear its true****  
****Because a girl like you is impossible to find****  
****You're impossible to find**

He remembered all those years he searched for her with no results and looked over her shoulder to where their brunette best friend, who had finally made the necessary break through, was standing with her hand on her heart, tears rolling uncontrollably down her cheeks.

**This is not what I intended****  
****I always swore to you I'd never fall apart****  
****you always thought that I was stronger****  
****I may have failed****  
****But I have loved you from the start**

This verse reminded the girl of how before they got together, she thought he would hate her because the strength she had always boasted of had worn away until the weakness within took over and she fell apart at the hands of her torturer. Reminded her of how just before she was saved, she gave up hope her eyes rolling over the crowd at that last concert. But the last line was the one that struck her the most was the last, she had been wrong, he didn't hate her, he loved her.

The song continued to play but their thoughts were lost to the moment as she laid her head on his chest and they danced on. As the song ended the man leaned his head down to her ear and whispered sexily, his breath tickling her skin,

"What's next?" She shrugged and pulled him closer to her. He chuckled and she looked up at him,

"Family?" She asked warily.

"And how many ham-loving mini-peoples, do you want my perfect Princess Puckett?" She giggled at his pet name for her and raised her eyebrow at bad English.

"Benson, now. As many as I can, I need to train my own personal army of demonic-carnivores." He chuckled and captured her lips. He knew that no moment of the unknown life with her that lay before him would be boring.

**I was on youtube last night and found lots of new fanfics by watching amazing trailers. So if anyone of you readers and writers are talented at that and wish to make a trailer for one of my stories,I would extremely grateful. My username there is artisticbabe1994 if you don't have an account here to tell me about it. Thanks! **

_Hope you liked it. Not quite sure how it turned out but I'm happy with the sentiment. _

_I need your advice should I write a bunch of one-shots for a while or write another chapter story?_

_Thanks for reading!_

**Special thanks to;**

_kpfan72491_

_torturedbutcute_

_Bartsim18_

_Crazii-fan4all__  
__spiritiris_

_GGSVHM_

_schnauzerlover_

discostick0shalala

natyrox97

lollipopz98

trainwreck17

Longtoplover

iicarlyy-Ness

Good Graces

And

BeautifulDreamer.x


	16. The Trailer and the Review

Hey people who are still subscribed to this.

I just wanted to tell you that someone made me an amazing trailer for this story,

.com/watch?v=NZRn6npChpA

and to let you read this review Seddielovergrl left me, it made me really happy and to answer your question Sam's mom was the only one of Jonah's victims who didn't survive.

"I love this story but it is evil to make Carly dye her hair and do drugs and  
make Freddie cut himself and Sam be abused, yet I love the story if that  
makes any sense I love your writing I think that is what got me hooked. U r  
really an amazing writer, I almost cried! And what happened to SAMs mom?"


End file.
